36 Questions to Impress a Girl – Building a meaningful connection with another person is not always about spending years together. Sometimes, the right conversation can reveal more about someone in an hour than months of ordinary small talk. Arthur Aron’s 36 Questions are designed to encourage exactly that kind of conversation by gradually moving from simple personal topics to deeper questions about memories, relationships, emotions, dreams, fears, and personal values.
The questions are divided into three sets, with each set becoming more personal and intimate than the previous one. The idea is simple: two people take turns answering the questions while genuinely listening to each other. Instead of rushing through the list, the goal is to pay attention, ask follow-up questions, and create a comfortable environment where both people can be honest.
Whether you are getting to know a new friend, spending quality time with your partner, reconnecting with someone close to you, or simply looking for meaningful conversation starters, these questions can help move a conversation beyond the usual “How was your day?” and “What do you do?”
Arthur Aron’s 36 Questions
Want to be closer to someone? In as little as 45 minutes, you can get closer to each
other by taking turns asking these progressively more intimate questions. Listening
carefully to each other’s answers is also as important as asking the questions.
Set I
- Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner
guest? - Would you like to be famous? In what way?
- Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to
say? Why? - What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
- When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
- If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body
of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? - Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
- Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
- For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
- If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it
be? - Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as
possible. - If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability,
what would it be?
Set II - If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future
or anything else, what would you want to know? - Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why
haven’t you done it? - What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- What is your most treasured memory?
- What is your most terrible memory?
- If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change
anything about the way you are now living? Why? - What does friendship mean to you?
- What roles do love and affection play in your life?
- Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your
partner. Share a total of five items. - How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was
happier than most other people’s? - How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set III - Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this
room feeling … “ - Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …
“ - If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share
what would be important for him or her to know. - Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time,
saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met. - Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
- When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
- Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
- What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
- If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with
anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t
you told them yet? - Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your
loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any
one item. What would it be? Why? - Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most
disturbing? Why? - Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she
might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to
be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
For more resources and links, visit Audrey Monke’s website at sunshine-parenting.com.
What Are Arthur Aron’s 36 Questions?
Arthur Aron’s 36 Questions are a series of progressively personal questions developed as part of research into interpersonal closeness. The questions are arranged into three groups, or sets. The first set begins with relatively comfortable topics, the second becomes more personal, and the third encourages greater emotional openness.
The progression is important. Imagine conversation as a staircase. You do not normally jump from the first step to the twentieth. Instead, you gradually become more comfortable as you move upward. These questions follow a similar structure. The early questions encourage people to talk about preferences, ambitions, memories, and everyday experiences. Later questions invite them to discuss relationships, vulnerability, regrets, emotions, and personal problems.
The questions are not a magic formula that guarantees two people will fall in love or become best friends. Instead, they provide a framework for meaningful conversation and mutual self-disclosure. What makes the experience valuable is not simply asking the questions but listening carefully to the answers.
How Do the 36 Questions Work?
The basic approach is straightforward. Two people sit together and take turns asking and answering the questions. They can move through the questions in order, beginning with Set I and eventually progressing to Set II and Set III.
The first set contains questions that are relatively easy to answer. For example, you might be asked about your ideal day, someone you would invite to dinner, or a quality you would like to develop. These questions allow both people to learn about each other’s personality without immediately entering highly sensitive territory.
The second set becomes more reflective. Questions about accomplishments, friendships, treasured memories, family relationships, dreams, and the possibility of changing your life encourage deeper thinking.
The third set is the most intimate. Here, the questions may involve embarrassing moments, crying, regrets, emotional needs, family loss, personal problems, and things you might hesitate to say during an ordinary conversation.
The important part is not to treat the questions like a speed test. Give each answer enough time. If someone shares something interesting, ask them about it. Sometimes one question can lead to an entirely different conversation.
Set I: Getting to Know Each Other
The first 12 questions are designed to create a comfortable starting point. They explore personality, dreams, gratitude, memories, ambitions, and personal experiences.
Questions 1–4: Dreams, Fame and the Perfect Day
The first question asks who you would choose as a dinner guest if you could invite anyone in the world. This can reveal a person’s interests, role models, curiosity, or admiration for particular people.
The next questions explore fame and communication habits. Would you like to become famous, and if so, for what? Do you rehearse telephone conversations before making a call? These seemingly simple questions can reveal confidence levels, ambitions, personality traits, and social habits.
Another question asks you to describe your perfect day. This is particularly interesting because everyone’s version of a perfect day can be completely different. One person might imagine traveling somewhere exciting, while another might describe a quiet day with family, good food, and no responsibilities.
Questions 5–8: Memories, Aging and Similarities
The next questions move toward personal reflection. You may be asked when you last sang to yourself or someone else, whether you would prefer the mind or body of a younger person during old age, and whether you have a secret feeling about how you might die.
One question specifically asks partners to identify three things they appear to have in common. This encourages people to focus on similarities rather than differences.
Finding common ground can make conversations feel more natural. You might discover that you share the same interests, values, sense of humor, childhood experiences, or future goals.
Questions 9–12: Gratitude, Childhood and Personal Growth
The final questions in Set I become more reflective. You are asked what you feel most grateful for, whether you would change anything about how you were raised, and what quality or ability you would like to gain overnight.
One particularly interesting exercise asks you to tell your life story in as much detail as possible within four minutes. This can be surprisingly revealing because people have to decide which experiences shaped them most.
The first set ends by asking what ability or quality you would want to wake up with tomorrow. Your answer might reveal something you are currently working toward or something you feel is missing from your life.
Set II: Going Beyond Small Talk
Set II contains questions that move deeper into personal values, relationships, dreams, memories, and family.
Questions 13–16: Truth, Dreams and Accomplishments
One question asks what you would want to know if a crystal ball could reveal the truth about yourself, your life, or the future. This can lead to conversations about uncertainty, curiosity, ambition, and fears.
Another asks whether there is something you have dreamed of doing for a long time but have not yet done. The reason behind the answer can be even more revealing than the dream itself.
You are also asked to identify your greatest accomplishment and explain what you value most in friendship. These questions encourage people to discuss the achievements and relationships that matter most to them.
Questions 17–20: Memories and the Meaning of Friendship
Some of the most powerful questions in Set II focus on memory. Participants are asked to share their most treasured memory as well as their most terrible memory.
These questions should be approached with sensitivity. Not everyone will want to discuss painful experiences, and nobody should feel pressured to reveal something they are uncomfortable sharing.
Another question asks whether you would change your life if you knew you would suddenly die within one year. This can lead to a thoughtful discussion about priorities, relationships, careers, experiences, and unfinished goals.
The set also asks what friendship means to you. Two people may use the same word but have completely different ideas about what makes a friendship strong.
Questions 21–24: Love, Family and Childhood
The final questions in Set II explore love, affection, family, childhood, and relationships with parents.
One exercise asks partners to share five positive characteristics they see in each other. This can be a powerful experience because people often notice positive qualities in others that those people may not recognize in themselves.
Questions about family closeness and childhood can also reveal how someone’s early experiences influenced their current personality and relationships.
The final question in this set focuses specifically on the relationship with one’s mother. Because family relationships can be complicated, this is another question that should be answered honestly but respectfully.
Set III: Deep Emotional Connection
The final 12 questions are the most personal. They focus on vulnerability, emotional experiences, regrets, relationships, loss, and personal challenges.
Questions 25–28: Shared Feelings and Honest Appreciation
Participants are asked to create three true “we” statements. This encourages them to identify something they are experiencing together in the present moment.
Another question asks you to complete the sentence, “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…” This can reveal emotional needs, hopes, interests, and experiences that someone may not normally discuss.
You are also asked what a potential close friend should know about you and what you genuinely like about your conversation partner. At this stage, honesty becomes increasingly important.
Rather than giving generic compliments, the exercise encourages people to identify specific characteristics they genuinely appreciate.
Questions 29–32: Vulnerability and Emotions
These questions ask participants to share an embarrassing moment and discuss when they last cried in front of another person or by themselves.
Why do questions like these matter? Vulnerability can make conversations more human. When people share imperfections, difficult moments, or emotional experiences, they may feel less pressure to present themselves as perfect.
The questions also explore topics that may be too serious to joke about. This provides an opportunity to discuss personal boundaries, values, and experiences that deserve sensitivity.
Questions 33–36: Regrets, Loss and Personal Problems
The final four questions are among the deepest in the entire exercise.
One asks what you would regret not telling someone if you died that evening without another opportunity to communicate. Another asks what single possession you would save from a burning house after protecting your loved ones and pets.
These questions can reveal what people value most. Interestingly, the answer may not be an expensive possession. It could be a photograph, letter, gift, childhood object, or something carrying powerful emotional meaning.
The final question asks participants to share a personal problem and request advice. The other person is also asked to reflect on how the speaker seems to be feeling about the problem.
This changes the conversation from simply exchanging information to practicing active listening and empathy.
Why Are These Questions Useful?
One of the biggest benefits of the 36 questions is that they provide structure for conversations that might otherwise never happen. People often want to talk about meaningful subjects but do not know how to begin.
A question can act like a doorway. Once it opens, the conversation can go somewhere completely unexpected.
The questions can also encourage people to listen rather than simply wait for their turn to speak. When someone shares a meaningful experience, the listener has an opportunity to ask questions, acknowledge their feelings, and understand their perspective.
That is particularly useful in relationships where conversations have become repetitive. Instead of discussing schedules, work, shopping, or daily responsibilities, couples can spend time talking about their memories, dreams, values, fears, and hopes.
How to Use Arthur Aron’s 36 Questions Effectively
You do not need a special location or expensive activity to try these questions. A quiet room, comfortable conversation, and enough uninterrupted time can be enough.
For the best experience, avoid treating the questions like an interview. Listen carefully, maintain attention, and allow the other person to finish speaking before responding.
It is also important to respect boundaries. Some questions involve family, death, painful memories, or emotional experiences. If someone does not want to answer a particular question, simply move to the next one.
You can also ask follow-up questions when an answer interests you. For example, instead of immediately moving to the next question, you might say, “What made that memory so special?” or “How did that experience change you?”
Those follow-up conversations may become more meaningful than the original questions themselves.
Who Can Try the 36 Questions?
The questions can be used by many different types of relationships. They may work particularly well for:
- Couples who want deeper conversations
- People getting to know each other
- Close friends
- Family members
- People reconnecting after a long time
- Individuals looking for meaningful conversation starters
However, the questions should always be adapted to the relationship and situation. Not every question will feel appropriate for every pair of people.
Arthur Aron’s 36 Questions: Quick Overview
| Set | Questions | Main Focus |
|---|---|---|
| Set I | 1–12 | Personality, dreams, memories and values |
| Set II | 13–24 | Relationships, family, accomplishments and emotions |
| Set III | 25–36 | Vulnerability, honesty, regrets and deeper connection |
The progression is what makes the exercise interesting. You begin with relatively easy topics and gradually move toward more personal conversations.
Tips for Making the Experience Better
Choose a time when neither person is distracted by phones, television, work, or other responsibilities. Give yourselves enough time so you do not feel pressured to rush through the questions.
Try to answer honestly, but remember that honesty does not mean revealing something you are not ready to share. Emotional safety matters just as much as openness.
Most importantly, listen to understand rather than listening to respond. If your partner or friend shares something meaningful, give them your full attention. A thoughtful response can make the conversation feel much more genuine.
You can also revisit the questions later. People change, and an answer you give today may be completely different six months or five years from now.
Final Thoughts on Arthur Aron’s 36 Questions
Arthur Aron’s 36 Questions offer a simple way to move beyond ordinary conversation and explore the experiences, values, memories, dreams, and emotions that make people who they are.
The real power of the exercise is not the questions themselves. It is the combination of curiosity, honesty, vulnerability, and attentive listening. A question creates an opportunity, but the way two people respond to each other determines where the conversation goes.
You do not need to force intimacy or expect a particular outcome. Instead, approach the questions with genuine curiosity. Give each person room to speak, respect boundaries, and allow the conversation to develop naturally.
Sometimes, a surprisingly simple question can reveal a story you never knew existed. And sometimes, the most meaningful connection begins with nothing more complicated than asking someone, “Tell me more about that.”
FAQs About Arthur Aron’s 36 Questions
1. What are Arthur Aron’s 36 Questions?
Arthur Aron’s 36 Questions are a structured series of questions designed to encourage progressively deeper conversations between two people. They are divided into three sets, with each set becoming more personal and reflective.
2. How long does it take to complete the 36 questions?
The exercise can take around 45 minutes or longer, depending on how much each person discusses their answers. There is no need to rush because meaningful conversations often lead to additional questions and stories.
3. Can couples use the 36 Questions?
Yes. Couples can use the questions as conversation starters to explore memories, dreams, values, family experiences, emotions, and personal goals. They can be especially useful when a couple wants to move beyond routine daily conversations.
4. Can friends use Arthur Aron’s questions?
Absolutely. The questions are not limited to romantic relationships. Friends can use them to learn more about each other’s experiences, personality, values, ambitions, and emotional perspectives.
5. Do the 36 Questions guarantee that two people will fall in love?
No. The questions should not be viewed as a guaranteed formula for falling in love. They are better understood as a structured way to encourage self-disclosure, meaningful conversation, empathy, and interpersonal closeness.
